All I have been doing lately is think. Life is not so enjoyable when everything that is on your mind is a worry of some sort. Every single thought that runs through my mind is a worry, life stops a little, except that life does not really stop, you stop but everything and everyone around you is continuing on. I feel as though I am slowly dying a little every day. I worry if I will ever be able to run again, let alone walk without a limp, play sports, jump on a trampoline. I worry about my hand if I will ever be able to go a day without losing some sort of feeling in it. Will I lose the use of my hand before I even get through school? Will I get into medical school? If not, what would I do with my life? I sit and wonder if I will ever go a day without feeling some sort of pain, either a physical one or an emotional one. I feel as though everything I have worked for is going to come crashing down around me at any second.

My mind is not a safe place to be in. It comes up with all sorts of things on its own and twists reality into a really complicated and tangled web, so much that I get myself into trouble whenever I let my mind wander off, which it does alot, uncontrollably. My mind is definitely not a safe place to be in, I'm constantly confused and quite unhappy most of the time that I just sit and think. I don't know... I don't trust my mind... and I certainly don't believe in trusting your heart. 

Girls are always going to feel as though they're not good enough, that their daddies are always going to deep down want a son and they could never be what their dad wants. And all they want from their dad is love, they want to be loved, nothing else matters. 

I don't remember the last time I really felt at peace, I'm always feeling as though I'm stuck in a rut or worrying about something. Peace is something I constantly strive for, yet... I never actually seem to reach it. I'm still waiting for that day where I can finally have that "sigh of relief", still waiting.

Sometimes it's nice to be alone... especially if you've been spending so much time with people. Sometimes you just want to be alone, you want time to just unwind and just relax. Sometimes you need that alone time, to be alone with your thoughts. I enjoy the time that I have alone, although at times it can get lonely and I just want to be surrounded by people again. I think to keep myself sane, I need that time alone but at the same time I need that time where I'm surrounded by people. 

I am quite used to change actually. My dad works for a non profit organization under the United Nations so our family has always been on the move being transferred here and there every couple of years. Airplanes have become almost like a home to me. The constant change has helped shape the person that I am today. Because I am so used to change, I now cannot be in a place for more than 2 or 3 years because it's just natural for me to now feel as though I have to move. What I would tell somebody who is having issues with change in their life is to just stop fighting against it, change is going to happen no matter what. It really is easier to just go with the flow, embrace change because you never know, something wonderful could come out of it! :)

I have recently started reading 'Sophie's World' once again. I have, several times, started this book, however, never got around to finishing it and by the time I want to pick it up from where I left off, I have forgotten what I have read so I had to start from the beginning. This happens over and over. I am determined to finally finish this book this summer. And looking forward to it. It really is an interesting read, so far!

What I would tell myself would be to let the little things go, don't worry about everything so much, because everything will work out fine, even if it wasn't what I had planned. I would tell myself that things have a way of working out ok and that God has a plan and although I should take control of my life, I shouldn't worry about every little detail, life should be lived and I should be happy living life, not driven crazy. Let the past stay in the past, don't rehash it. And I would tell myself to forgive people for what they've done to me in the past, and if I can't forgive them just yet, don't worry about it but don't hold a grudge. There is such a thing as karma and what goes around comes around, it will come back and bite them in the butts, so I shouldn't worry too much. Focus on my life and focus on making it the best life I could ever live it. 

I think the hardest thing you can change about a person is their stubborness and their pride. That along with values are hard to change. People in general, I believe, can't really change, you can put on a mask on for the world but sooner or later the real you will resurface. I think the closest thing people can get to is to calm themselves down a little but other than that... I don't know...